Army Boys and Babes
by Devilish Kurumi
Summary: Ironhide enjoys everything about the Lennox's life... except for the baby. Feel good fluff, sugar to ingest, nothing important just WAFFy.


A/N: AWWW LOOKITTHEWITTLEBABY I hate kids, FYI. Anyways, no one knows exactly what the kid is supposed to be named so I call her Amy. I love Ironhide, but I think I've mentioned that before.

* * *

The first time Ironhide met Captain William Lennox was in battle. It's a strange thing, the art of war; strangers separated by entire galaxies can quickly become your closest allies. Ironhide had thought at first that humans were simple creatures – entertaining, yes, but only capable of brutality, basic functioning, and running about screaming. 

William Lennox and his men have disproved his first theories. They have shown him that humans are capable of far more than screaming, hiding, or running away; they can and _will _fight to protect what is theirs. In this case – Earth.

The Captain has made a very fine impression on Ironhide, who likes to believe that he's harder to sway than Bumblebee or Ratchet. And so, once the final briefings had ended, Ironhide had offered to take the man to his home. Of course, his home is close enough to Tranquility that Ironhide could make the drive in only a few short hours. He had mentioned the fact to Will, who had immediately asked if, instead of driving around aimlessly, he'd rather stay with the Captain.

Since the human had been such a trustworthy ally in battle – not to mention very laid back about the fact that Ironhide is a giant robot – the truck had accepted the offer.

He wonders now, sitting in the Captain's driveway as he goes to his wife standing on the porch, if this is going to be such a good idea. The woman greets him with a kiss, and then passes the small, squirming thing she's holding over into his hands. He treats it reverently and cradles it – odd. It isn't a weapon, so why is he treating it so delicately?

"Is that – did they give you a new truck, Will?" the woman asks, barely containing the excitement in her voice, "It looks safe."

"Um... Well." William turns to Ironhide, winces a little, and then says, "It's not exactly... The government didn't _give_ him to me, per say. It's more like... He came with me?"

"...What do you mean? Is it loaned?" She makes a noise and her eyes widen, "You're not going _back_, are you?"

He shakes his head and turns to her once more. "No, no. Not for a _long_ while. It's just... I don't know how to explain to you how much this truck is not ours."

"So it isn't our truck. Whose is it, then?"

The woman looks aggravated, but Will had told him not to transform until he said so. Ironhide desperately wants to do _something_ other than sit here, however, and so he revs his engine in annoyance. The woman blinks in shock and surprise.

Will winces again and says, "It's... kinda his. He's himself. Sarah... C'mere. I want you to meet someone."

The woman seems to think the Captain is insane. Ironhide isn't particularly surprised. The Captain carefully steps down the porch stairs and comes over to Ironhide, followed closely by his wife. Now that he can get a good look at the hiccupping little thing in Will's arms, he does a quick diagnostic and internet search – a "baby."

Interesting... The biological makeup closely resembles both fully-grown humans. _So,_ Ironhide thinks in mild surprise, _This is what human sparklings look like. Interesting._

"Sarah, I'd like you to meet Ironhide."

"Sarah" looks at the truck and asks, faintly annoyed, "You named the truck _Ironhide_."

Will looks to the truck, sighs, and nods his okay.

Ironhide revs his engine again and then grumbles, "_I_ named myself Ironhide."

The woman stares in pure shock at the car, as though trying to figure out what kind of joke this must be. With a small groan of aggravation, Ironhide shudders, spins tires out of the way, crouches, and transforms into the form that's most likely to cause the woman to scream. _Might as well get it out of the way,_ the robot sighs to himself.

"W-W-Will – th-the truck – it's..."

"A giant robot," Ironhide drawls, "Yes." He keeps in a crouching position, looking at the frightened woman. "You _can_ scream, if it would make you feel better."

"Ironhide!" Will snaps, "Don't _scare_ her!"

"What?" The robot looks to the Captain in confusion. "Humans tend to relieve themselves of fear by screaming, do they not?"

"No, no, no – they scream to _show_ fear."

"...I see. Then..." He looks back at the shaking woman, "Do _not_ scream."

Will rolls his eyes and Ironhide sighs as she does just what he asks her not to – she lets out a loud shriek and nearly falls in her attempt to back up at a run.

"Sarah – hey, look, see? Amy's not freaking out."

Ironhide looks down at the "baby" in Will's arms and frowns. "You _name_ the thing?"

"It's a _baby_, Ironhide," Will groans, "You _name_ babies. Not things."

"Amy" is staring up at Ironhide with big eyes. The robot, however, doesn't sense any fear patterns coming off of it, and when it yawns – almost bored – and curls back up in Will's arms, he sighs in relief. He can tell that if that... "baby" was to open its mouth, it would most likely not shut up.

"W-W-Will."

The Captain cautiously turns to face his wife, who is now trembling in not terror but anger.

"_What is going on, get in that house and explain everything **now.**_"

Both robot and human wince at her tone and the Captain looks up at Ironhide mournfully.

"She'll get used to you quick. Just... um. Maybe you should hang around as a car for a little longer."

"A _truck,_" Ironhide idly corrects, already shuddering and folding back into his vehicle form. "I hope she does. If she continues making annoying noises, I don't know if I'll be able to stand it."

"House. _Now,_" Sarah snaps, and Will yelps, racing inside with the bouncing baby in his arms.

Ironhide groans quietly in annoyance and begins to search the internet for more information about "babies" and their connection to adult humans.

* * *

Sarah grows to accept Ironhide's presence – especially after he explains that, being made of a metal not found on Earth, he is probably the safest car in the world – and so Ironhide gets to stay at the Lennox's. He's content with the place – it's out in the desert and the closest neighbor isn't for miles, so it's not a problem for him to walk around as a robot, and the Captain holds good conversations. 

The only thing he could do without would be the baby, which makes a horrid amount of noise and has thrown its bottle around in a fit of childish rage on more than one occasion. It doesn't help that Sarah insists that they play obnoxious noise Will has categorized as "baby music" – hardly more than a midi-track with an annoying man or woman singing infantile lyrics. It hadn't taken long for Ironhide to learn to shut off his audio sensors while transporting the family from one destination to another.

The odd thing about the baby is that it seems to have the most bizarre sleeping pattern. More often than he'd like, Ironhide finds himself being pulled out of stasis by the sound of the child wailing from its room – definitely long after the adults have gone to sleep. The crying will cease after a few minutes, but it is nonetheless annoying.

One night after being woken by the screaming child, Ironhide revs his engine in annoyance, hoping to perhaps make the thing stop out of fear of being crushed by the huge robot.

After a few minutes of continuous wailing, the garage door cracks open and Will, eyes half-lidded and dressed in old sweatpants, came in, carrying the screaming child.

"Ironhide," the Captain sighs in tired greeting, "Mind if we go for a ride?"

"If the thing will stop _screaming_," the truck responds, clicking open the passenger door nonetheless.

"Babies cry," Will mumbles, climbing in and cradling the crying child, "And cry. And _cry_. Just a few minutes should be good enough."

Ironhide sighs in resignation and backs out of the garage, taking to the long, empty street. Will plays with the radio for a moment and then says, "Can you... do like Bumblebee does? Pick out songs on the radio?"

"Yes," Ironhide responds, "Though I refuse to pick up any of that child's music."

Will laughs quietly and cradles the child, which is slowly calming down. "I hate that stuff, but babies love it. No, can you find... hm. Something soft? Like... uh. I really wish I didn't listen to rock right now."

"...I can try."

Ironhide scans the airwaves and finds a slightly out of tune oldies station stuck on after-hours songs. Will's nod of approval is enough for the truck, who drives along the road without really worrying about where they'll end up.

The baby is merely sniffling after a few songs, and Ironhide turns to begin driving back to the house. Will is rocking it gently and singing along with the song – something called "Stand by Me" – and Ironhide watches them.

"Sarah says she has my nose," Will says quietly, surprising the robot, who didn't know that the other could feel him watching.

"...That is correct. The physical structure of its-"

Will glares at the rearview mirror.

"..._Her_ nose. It is distinctly similar to yours."

"That's good," Will mumbles, looking at the tiny hand clenched around his thumb, "That'll settle some debates."

Silence, and then...

"...Her eyes are more like Epps', however."

Will blinks and then stares, wide-eyed and shell-shocked at the rearview mirror. Ironhide's engine rumbles as he chuckles, and then he says, "I'm joking, Lennox."

The man lets out a deep breath and glares at the cab in general. "Not funny, Ironhide."

"Her genetic makeup is solely yours and your wife's. Her eyes resemble her mother's. You have nothing to worry about."

"That's comforting."

And in the quiet of the cab, just as the song ends and another begins, the baby yawns, closes its eyes, and says plainly, "Hide."

Ironhide's engine splutters and Will gapes at his girl, then at the cab.

"...Don't tell Sarah her first word was _your_ name."

Ironhide agrees, but as the Captain clambers out of the cab some two minutes later, carrying the sleeping child in his arms, he feels a nice sort of feeling in his engine. He imagines that he's feeling what Bumblebee had described as "warm fuzzies," and resolutely decides to never speak of it again.


End file.
